I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
