My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
