Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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