you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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