used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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