I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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