I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
