I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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