I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We are two peas in an std pod
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
