i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
