If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
