We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
