i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
