dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
