Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
