I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize