Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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