Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
