3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
