she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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