oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
