kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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