Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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