Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
