Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
