im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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