Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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