For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
