i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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