my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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