she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
