You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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