I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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