I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
