ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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