gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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