Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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