final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
