Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
