The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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