so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
