I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
