A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
