I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want nice things and good sex
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
