By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
