I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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