He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
