all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
