No awkward lesbian experiences without me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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