She is in my trunk
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
