hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
even my farts smell like vagina
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
