Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
