i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
