You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize