every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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