I wish you could order shots online.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
