i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you never un-have a 4some
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
