just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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