I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
