I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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