It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
