so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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