Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
