Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You ruined the universe
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
