I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
