I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We're too hungover to prance.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
