Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think a kid would responsible me up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
