Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
