My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
