he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
