we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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