i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
