i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
