what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
