I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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