Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
