There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
