she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
