i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
