you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
