Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
