If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
