bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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