i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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